One day when future archaeologists are digging up the bones of you and I, I wonder how they will make sense of our mouths. All of the sudden, there will be millions of skulls with flawlessly aligned teeth. Braces will have changed our very bone structure, causing people far in the future to speculate about our lives. It will be one of those strange and incomprehensible practices: who would possibly volunteer to cement metal wires and hooks to their teeth for months on end? Every culture has its peculiarities, I suppose.
I honestly can’t imagine how it would feel to walk into a room full of people and not feel the roof collapsing on my ‘NO NO NO I am not fine’
Fine is the suckiest word
it never tells the truth
And more than anything I have ever been afraid of I am terrified of lies
How they war the world
How they sound by our tongues
How they bone dry the marrow
How did we get through high school without being taught Dr. King spent two decades having panic attacks?
Jumped at thunder
I think we are all part flight the fight
part run for your life
Part ‘please please please like me’
Part Can’t breathe
Part scared to say you’re scared
Part say it anyway
You panic button collector
You clock of beautiful ticks
You run out the door if you need to
You flock to the front row of your own class
You feather everything until you know you can always, always shake like a leaf on my family tree and know you belong here
You belong here and everything you feel is okay
Everything you feel is okay
It sounds like the boys next door are ripping the furniture out of the walls. I have come to the conclusion that the concrete itself is being demolished next to my head. And there are people across the room watching a movie with the volume all the way up on their metallic laptop speakers. There are conversations from the movie, conversations about the movie, conversations permeating through the walls on one side and the other, conversations that come and go through the halls, the conversation happening in my hand, the conversations in the music I’m using to block it all out, and the conversations that thwart my attempts to block it all out — I’m turning the volume up to turn the rest of it down. Because hearing without seeing means that I’m not quite close enough to be involved; I’m the prime distance away to feel left out. Today has been far too saturated with not quite.