Feels like it’s been so long. Is life moving so fast in this generation that when we desire something it begins to move in slow motion? Are we just used to getting what we want right away? Or do we require one another to feel right about all that is going on around us? Maybe our anticipation is justified by the fact that we genuinely cannot wait to share a moment again?
Innocence
I want to believe that if I do everything I want to do, that I won’t be so afraid of growing up. If I make that mess when I want to, stay up late when I want to, read those books when I want to and write you a story, then I will have done everything I want to do and maybe I’ll be ready to get older, it will feel natural and right and I won’t have to be afraid like I am now. I don’t want to fight the days and years like I am; I wonder if I learned to act my age if I wouldn’t feel so old.
Because I’m not old, I’ve not been inducted into the real world by anything more than heartbreak and with that single scar I still feel innocent. I’ve never been drunk, I’ve never smoked a single thing, never done more than kiss someone and I’ve never lied to my parents about where I go, never even skipped a day of school to do anything but die of some illness. I’m as innocent as anyone from the outside, just as inexperienced and child-like as I could be, and only because I’ve chosen to be so.
I’ve never thought that any of that was a virtue, never really tried to hold onto that innocence like some people would. I bury it underneath a dirty mind and talk like I know what I’m saying, never lying but trying desperately to fill the gaps of my experience with secrets and assumptions, and I’m an expert manipulator because of it. I have this innnocence and all I want to do is get rid of it, wash it from my skin and drain it from my blood like a disease, cut it away like a rope holding me back from growing up. I don’t know whether I should think like this, because how should I know if doing any of those things will ever make me ready to get older. Chances are they wouldn’t, but some part of me always seems to think otherwise. I don’t so much mind being innocent and immature like I am, but I would rather be tarnished than be afraid, and if my innocence is the cost of welcoming my future with open arms, then it feels like a small price to pay.
Didn't learn a thing.
| Dwayne: | I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it. |
| Frank: | Do you know who Marcel Proust is? |
| Dwayne: | He's the guy you teach. |
| Frank: | Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that. |
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Do Ya Thang // Rihanna
Know I’m missing that kissing in the Rover
Boy what I’m feeling never feel it about another
I need you, why can’t you come over
And you my lover
But I love you like a brother
Babe you the one at the end of the day
You are who you are
And I love you that way
Lust ain’t love, if you know the difference
You ran a little game on ya
Caught up in your feelings
We together like, ohhh
You know that I’mma do whatever I’m not gon’ leave
This kind of love don’t come easy
We don’t care what they think
Promise we’ll stay the same
Say that you stay right here for me
See I know you like being round chicks
And looking at hips, and a little outfit
What can I say (What can I say?)
That’s what I love about you babe (That’s what I love about you babe)
Yeah, I don’t ask ‘cause I know you gon’ lie
You way too sexy, to ever be shy
What can I say (What can I say?)
That’s what I love about you babe (That’s what I love about you babe)
Go ahead
Do ya thang, do ya thang,
Do ya, do ya, do ya thang
(Go ahead)
Do ya thang, do ya thang
Do ya, do ya, do ya thang
Do ya thang, do ya thang,
Do ya, do ya, do ya thang
You the shit
Yeah, baby you the bomb
Middle of the day
Give me what I want
It feels so special
It feels so good
And he ain’t going no where even if he could
I got that ow, ow
You know what I’m talking about, ‘bout
Make a nigga scream and shout, shout
Every time the lights go out, out
We out, out
And I know what you thinking of
That I don’t know a thing about love
But what I know is I’m his girl
And he’s the one for me
See this shit ain’t worth tripping over
Do your thing, it doesn’t matter
As long as we gon’ rock forever
Love is all we need
See I know you like being round chicks
And looking at her hips, and a little outfit
What can I say? (What can I say?)
That’s what I love about you babe (That’s what I love about you babe)
You bury me // Summer
Ya’aburnee [Arabic] Means “You bury me,” a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.
I feel the most sad when I’m happy, like today, where I talked to you and I sat outside in the grass and watched the clouds and my daddy made me breakfast and I listened to good music and read my highlighted parts in Perks of Being a Wallflower. Everything about my life is setting itself up for an amazing summer, and I can feel it. I can feel everything coming into place just as it did last year, like my life is still going in that same cycle. And as much as I want everything to unfold that way again, I know that it won’t end well, because it never ends well by the time fall rolls around. But I want it anyway, because I can’t imagine summer without you. You are my summers, every summer for years now. And the fact that I can say years takes me by surprise every single time. Time moves so fast and yet we’re still here. How can it have been that long?
I don’t so much mind whether I’m feeling sad or feeling happy, it’s when I don’t feel anything that it bothers me. So I’ll feel happy and sad at the same time and cry through a smile as I wait until summer when one or the other is bound to win out in the end, when maybe I will have to live without you #500
There are some things that people can never learn, skills that people can try to have, but never acquire to the full extent of a natural. Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting all my natural talent and leaving the glory to those who don’t truly deserve it. I think one way or another my life will pull me in the right direction, and if I am meant to fill a museum I will do that one day with all of my beautiful things, because I am talented in those ways that nobody ever needed to teach me.
